By now you’ve surely heard the assessment of the US economy from the Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke which was basically a two hour oration summed up best in these words: “We’re fucked.” Not to be outdone, Captain Chokes On Pretzels wasn’t far behind to join in by saying he plans to beg congress for more money for a stimulus package that (quoting Henry Paulson, another overcompensated banker):

“What he believes is that we’ve got to do something that is robust. It’s going to be temporary and get money into the economy quickly. It’s going to be focused on consumers, individuals, families — putting money in their pocket. And it’s going to be focused on giving businesses the incentive to hire people, to create jobs.”

Now, I hope you endulge me for a moment.

For a second, suspend your disbelief, assume that some 29 year old with a business/engineering degree from a fine school (by NCAA standards) can get into an argument with the guys that got their PhD’s in economics by writing lengthy useless papers on the economic expansion of third world kingdoms that discovered oil.

Allow me to translate what these guys are planning:

“ We have about ten months until this is no longer our problem. So, let’s do a quick fix and hope nobody notices.

Let’s give people more money back from their W2′s. $800 or $1000, whatever.. let them buy an iPhone or a Big Mac or a new TV. Americans are morons anyhow, if they see a lot of people at Walmart they’ll assume it’s all good and we rock out! Let’s hope nobody notices the big chunk of that tax break not going to create jobs, but shifting more wealth to the producing country (China) and then they’ll buy our banks and stock price goes up and nobody is the wiser.”

We suffer from the quick fix amnesia in this country, a retarded fiscal and spending policy on the government and population sides alike, that is obsessed with the instant result, get rich quick, consumer is the king mindset.

I wish I could run my business like that. But it doesn’t work like that in reality. Cash does not stimulate anything other than spending. Perhaps for the wiser crowd, it stimulates a payoff of debt, but overall the money just goes down the drain.

Here is the big picture. Stop letting retards talk about the economy. I know its a great news bit to stick a camera in the face of someone at the gas pump and let them cry about how a 200% increase in gasoline is making them weary of the economic outlook while they are towing a new 42″ HDTV in their brand new Ford Explorer, Eddy Bauer Edition, to the house they can’t afford. Really, we need to hear more from such geniuses that obviously got the economic pulse firmly within their grasp.

Thank you for your attention, and for playing along. Let’s just drop the economics now and talk shop.. for this one we don’t need to pretend, I actually run a business.

I intend to hire nobody as a result of this fix. As a matter of fact, I am more likely to focus on outsourcing the bump in the demand it may generate because you already told me this is just a quick influx that is going to end in a month. How stupid do you think I am?

Even if I were to hire someone, I would look to a temp agency with a slight premium, what kind of an idiot hires someone knowing they will be gone in a month, then fired resulting in an exponential increase to our unemployment insurance.

No way.

Meanwhile, for the labor I actually do need, I am left choosing between tweedledee and the tweedledumb with less education than the guy that plastered the drywall in my office.

What should they do

Economic program benefits are not instant. They are not a quick fix. The business that are building and growing in USA today are highly skilled, highly specialized roles / organizations. We can’t staff those. Why? Nobody can afford to go to college because since I left in 2002, the public school education cost has quadrupled in Florida. My state finances its education system through the legalized gambling (by the way, thank you for putting me through UF!) giving young people an option of getting into a get rich quick unskilled labor force of realtors, mortgage brokers, ITT flunkies and medical halfwits… instead of making it dead easy to get into college and sustain a high five or six figure salary for 30-40 years.

Is it any surprise our country and economy is going into the toilet when its in the hands of people that guide its expansion in the same way the elderly smoker in front of a slot machine does when he gets a small payoff – Ooo, 10 quarters, quick, let me put it back in and lose it all.

Update: In case it wasn’t clear enough, I hope someone in DC wakes up and says “Economic incentives need a long term return, so instead of feeding your debt-crack habit of cash back for new gadgets, we are going to give you an incentive to earn more money. Starting tomorrow, all community college education is free and you will get an incentive for completing a four year degree in a field that our country can benefit from in the long term. We’re up for a few tough years as our work force accepts that we’re in 21st century and we don’t intend to be a recycling country for cheap crap from China and only work in the consumer sector.”

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