Tomorrow is April 1st and I will not be blogging out of protest.

You see, April 1st is the excuse for people without the slightest sense of humor to take one day a year and act like awkward imbeciles. I’m not even going to work tomorrow, I can imagine the helpdesk, voicemail, phone calls and other mediums will be flooded by people that get one obligatory day to pull out the giant stick they carry up their butt the other 364 (or this year, 365) days of the year.

Humbug. I wish most people could stop trying to destroy a productive workday and instead ration out that good spirit and humor over the course of the whole year.

See ya on the 2nd.

It’s Monday morning and I’m sure the following may make many of you sick to your stomach so feel free to skip to the next paragraph: I love coming to my office with a smile on my face. I couldn’t be happier with where the business is, where all our product lines are falling, how well things are going and just how much good we’re able to do, from jobs to community (as in community services, not the online cults) empowerment to philanthropic stuff. Having had years of being kicked down and asked “Oh, so what you do is just like ___” I am happy to finally be able to say “___ who? Didn’t they go out of business / fold / sell out?” To be able to come to work and have my choice of meaningful things to work on, instead of working for money, has finally come and I am loving every damn second of it. Yes, even when LA-DC2 is on fire

Which brings the work addiction - family man equation out of balance. I decided (a while ago) that I wanted my life to have more than just work, and I cut my schedule, I cut my involvement in extracurricular stuff, I have a baby on the way and really a lot of stuff I am truly looking forward to doing. I have effectively pulverized my speaking schedule for 2008 so I do not have the pressure of “Can you blog about this, Can you talk about that, Can we do this, Would you do that” that used to be in my inbox non-stop. So now that there is no expectation, life is easy.

I want to go out and have some fun & make some money, and there are only two conferences that (kind of) fit my schedule. I have been invited to the Microsoft MVP Summit which is two weeks from now, and I would also like to go to WWPC. Here is the problem:

If I go to the Microsoft MVP thing, I may miss the birth of my son if he’s early. If I go to the Microsoft WWPC and leave my lovely wife with a month-old baby for a week, I might come back just in time to watch my own murder at the hands of the aforementioned wife.

The two events are almost mutually exclusive, value-wise, as one is a social/training event and the other is pure and shameless pimping (not that I am otherwise shameful when it comes to pimping, it’s just that people are paying to hear the pitch!)

So what’s the point? Well, the point is that if you’re really down and dirty and trying to build a sustainable business, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day you will not be looking for a way to go to a conference to learn how to get business, but will be trying to think of a way to get out of business so you can go out there and have some fun. Stick it out.

As for me, I’m not sure.

Look at that sucker burn… Make that Microsoft logo proud, #49

As Chris said the other day:

“Please Lord, watch over all the drivers today. But if someone has to die, please let our logo figure prominently in the footage”

There is much debate over “the customer is always right” saying that a lot of big companies are currently rethinking to avoid their staff being abused by irate customer base. The best of the objections to the saying come from the CEO of SouthWest, who quoted an example of a customer “… demanding a free flight to Paris because we ran out of peanuts.”

There is a much simpler middle of the ground rationalization between meeting and exceeding the customers expectations and understanding when the demands are just unfair. We use one of those at Own Web Now:

The customer is always right.

Not every customer is right for us.

To me, that is the fairest possible way to treat my employees and my clients. Not every customer is right for us. Not every partner is right for us. My job is to determine which partners do not have our best interest at heart (and are instead looking to make a purchase from a wholesaler) and are not looking for a partnership. However, when we do go into an agreement, it is everyone’s job to meet and/or exceed the partners expectations. When we don’t, it is ultimately my responsibility to make an apology, refund, letter, phone call.

It’s all in the criteria

Just like hiring and firing have to follow some contracts and laws, so should the process of deciding whether you take on someone’s business or not. It should be fair, and it should be universally applied without exceptions. When you start to create special cases, expectations, limitations and variables that can shift a lot during the deliverable, things go wrong. And nearly always in a way that is unfair to both. Here is ours, that we naturally do not share up front because we don’t want it shot back in the first person affirmative:

Own Web Now looks to partner with IT Solution Providers that are building businesses that want to offer complex data center solutions, hosting services, enterprise-class management and maintenance but do not look to make an exclusive line of business within their company.

Just like you would pull a background check on a job candidate, call their previous employers, conduct interviews and look at experience, you should also look at the business prospect. Credit checks, yellow page listings, business data checks.

I pull up the web page. I pick up the phone and call someone in the area and ask them about a particular person. I look at their presence in the community, at their technical abilities. If I don’t see someone that has their game together, that is looking to grow their business, that is a builder, why should I waste my time/resources on them? If they can’t sell themselves, how can they sell me? Or even worse, how poorly would it reflect on me if they did sell my services and when customer called them back got the Bobs Horse Manure & Managed Services shop, sorry daddy is in Jail right now, he’ll be back in 6 months. No way!

Sometimes you make mistakes

The point of the section above is that you should be careful about how and who you work with. Do your due dilligence. Truth is, during the course of Monday-Friday there are a lot of people that would love to give you their money. Does that money go towards work and towards the goals that you have in your business? If not, and you still take that money, how much do you risk in the opportunity to actually put your business on the course it should take?

I ask myself the above all the time because the temptation of cash in hand is always great.

However, if you are building a business on the premise that the customer is always right, and you are going to work your hardest and go above and beyond for them, you might want to think up front just how dedicated you will be to this cash when things turn sour. If you are going to be in a bigger mess down the road, even potentially, it may pay more to just take a pass.

It is much easier to just let it go, than to have to deal with the firing. Employees, partners, opportunities and clients alike.

While I was in school, which teached me how to write this good, the college of business tried all it could to get us to take a semester abroad and study in UK, Spain, Italy. Had I known I would end up running a global business, and spending my time dealing with folks all over the world I may have taken them up on that offer, or maybe traded in a few math courses for a foreign language.

But I blame University of Florida and their bad marketing for not selling me on the true benefits of study in the foreign markets. Had they presented this, I would of never come back!

(make sure to read the comments on that site, priceless) 

This has been a very good week, very busy week. I shared just one day of my life with you earlier this week and I have to say I enjoy reading your take on it. I consider myself quite normal, so I see the commentary on how fast I type or how many things I manage, it gives me quite an ego boost. Something this world could certainly live without, but some people take it to extremes:

Somewhere in Redmond: you’ve had some great blog posts lately, btw
Vlad Mazek: really, you still read my blog? why? 
Somewhere in Redmond: I get a kick out of watching you try to play Moses to the tribes wandering in their circles in the desert

Then last night Vijay and Katie had a talk about the “Vlad” cult following, all on top of some really wonderful comments coming from Karl’s podcast. I don’t think I’ve ever had that many people tell me that they find/call me inspirational.

Thank you.

I have to say, if you are looking at a career outside of DMV or jail, and you expect to manage people and relationships, you won’t be able to help yourself from reinforcing the positives, showing just how great the things are, inspiring people to believe in what you are doing, in what it can do for them.

Sold you a dream concept. It’s everpresent, for example, in marketing: if you can’t lie to yourself, how can you lie to others? If you don’t like the word lie, here is a project management equivalent: If you can’t believe in the solution, how can you get others to believe in it and get it done? (you hire a marketing person to lie for you)

Interesting conversation over at Techmeme about the Engaget coverage of the upcoming HP 2133 ultra portable laptop looking to take on the popular Asus Eee. Asus has definitely done for UMPC with Linux what Microsoft, Samsung, Ogo and others combined could not with XP/Vista - a commercially successful ultra mobile PC.

Here is what HP is bringing to market, at $599 retail:

Now before you dismiss it on size, price, power, processor, resolution, memory or any individual component that fails in comparison to your average entry level laptop, remember that this is meant to be ultra portable and dare I say, ultra affordable. HP sports a Via C7-M 1.2 - 1.6 Ghz processor which is an equivalent of an Intel Celeron at similar speeds. For about $200-$300 more you can get a faster processor, more hard drive space, Vista Business, bigger battery. So there are options to make this fit different needs, but at $600 for the portable Vista system with a webcam, wireless and a 2lb PC just slightly longer an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper, this can fit a lot of mobility and portability needs.

Does this trend obsolete Microsoft Windows Mobile? In my opinion, yes. Windows Mobile experience, in both use and development, is not where it needs to be and is at least a generation or two behind where iPhone is in terms of user experience. Development for a device of this type will also be far more attractive than compiling Windows Mobile packages for different architectures, obtaining CAB signatures from the Windows Mobile marketplace, worrying about UI layout (Standard rectangle, Pro, Pro square) and not to mention the components and extensions that make Visual Studio a true RAD.

Oh, and it’s cheaper than a PocketPC device, far far cheaper than the UMPC-like Windows Mobile solutions such as HTC Advantage. Full specs below:

So what do you think? Is there a market between an entry level laptop and a PocketPC? I am not sure if this device will come with a VGA-out which would easilly make it a realistic replacement for office information workers that can quickly take it to meetings and dock to the larger monitor, mouse and keyboard at their desk.

I’m going to try to explain Twitter to Susan, in a public way, because I feel she needs to be on it moreso than anyone else I know. But you know the fable of CPAs and technology so here is my attempt:

Twitter is Instant Messaging that is neither instant nor interruption driven.

I am not saying that it’s not a giant waste of time, I am not saying that less than 1e^-500 of what you will see on there is worth while. I am saying that it is a useful communications medium with people who have embraced it. Right now I am shaming Tim Barrett for just learning what it means to be rickrolled, I am trying to setup a vegetarian dinner with Vijay, I am trying to see if Josh will bump up BlogOrlando towards the weekend and I am wondering how long till Dave buys a telescoping camera lens for his iPhone.

So why does this matter? It matters because among billions of worthless conversations, Twitter allows you to use a medium that isolates a few of them that are worth having with people that have chosen to conduct them in such a way. If I send Dave an email, I’m likely at the bottom of his list of mails to review. Vijay will probably hide from his business email for weeks. Josh’s blog had 12 comments on it within minutes of the post.

Really, it’s just a matter of cutting through.

And I for one would like to see Susan on it. Susan, twittering, will make most newsgroups and Yahoo groups obsolete. Will Susan be able to overcome her inner-CPA’s take on technology. Tune in at 11 for details.

For everyone else.. look at it as the secret twin language. The cool people (if there are any in whoever you follow) are in, so if you want to be in you have to conform. Or be a rebel. I am not a guidance counselor, I’m just trying to offer up a perspective.

I never blog about what I actually do for living because I am convinced that nobody believe me. And even when I do give you all a glimpse of what I do, the line of people lining up to kick me in the balls and punch me when I’m down wraps around the block. So, if you pardon me, I am about to let you into the world of Vlad Mazek. Watch out, its pretty vulgar.

The Hills

It’s 9 PM and I’m done coding for the day. I just submitted my changes, assigned a test and figured the day was offer. My mind is still going at full pace and I’m laying back in the bed waiting for The Hills to start - if you need to kill your brain there is nothing like the mindshare between Lauren and Audrina. MTV is doing some sort of a pre-The Hills-premiere and for some reason the TV is not muted. I get to hear Lauren talk about her new clothes line. Brain out! Time of death, 9:25.

Catalina, Catalina

Something, somewhere, in the depth of my awesome code is leaking memory. To a really spectacular degree. To sum it up, my catalina.out blew up on my personal server and filled a 500GB partition in the space of about 40 minutes. Server down. Shockey Monkey Alert. SMS. Latin Conga ringtone at a level loud enough to bring Jesus back.

Of course my German Shepherd dog is trained to jump on me when he hears the RAZR beep. Trying to grab the phone and the laptop with a 100lb dog sitting on top of you requires certain skills.

Oh good, nothing important. Ooo, a new w00t is out.

Prometheus came down to Los Angeles

It’s roughy 11:50, I am still up trying to figure this code out. Temperature alarm in Los Angeles goes off, temperature went from 60 to 70 degrees in the span of 30 minutes. That is not one of those normal things. Emails start to fly around, what do we do, should we go into the protected mode (shut down equipment, throttle down ExchangeDefender nodes, etc). Vlad, What should we do?

I don’t care. Call me if the fucking place burns to the ground.

We’re defending, trust us

Brought in to do a SQL audit, roughly 1:30 AM. Apparently, some tables in the reports database went corrupt when we added the extra replication slaves. Did you run myisamchk? No? Ok, let me try.

Ok, so here is how SQL works kids… Two hours later… FMR.

Ask and ye shall receive

We’re shutting down LA DC 1, temperature is at 80.

Minute after that IM came through the alerts went up - three out of four cooling towers went down in the data center and they were shutting down the fourth and cutting power to the entire floor to prevent damage. Vaaaaaagtastic.

Few minutes later, facilities is working on it, A/C guy will be on site within an hour or so.

I write an email to the new hire that was supposed to start today, tell him that I will be spending the day apologizing to the SharePoint and Virtual Server customers in UK and Australia and cutting SLA refund checks.

Within the hour, the power to their network room comes back, connectivity is back up and our systems still had plenty of juice so none of the stuff (aside from a few hundred ExchangeDefender nodes went down). Two minutes later, all ExchangeDefender nodes are up. We’re back boss!

Ok, I’m done, it’s 5:40 and I am going to sleep damnit!

Make me money, ho

Katie’s alarm rings promptly, 20 minutes later. Dazed and confused, I roll out of bed, mute it for 20 minutes. Katie wakes up, complains about not sleeping. I put my slickest lines in, convince her that we should go to sleep for 2 more hours. Fourty minutes later, I get smacked on the ass and told to go out there and make her some money. Darnit.

Feelin’ Orange

At about nine or so, I make it to work. I look at my list of tasks, and people just start piling on.

Two requests to confirm employment, one for a car lease, other for an apartment. Paperwork city, all sent on a Fax from 1980’s, you know, one dot per inch. Try to make out if they are asking for a zip code or a year since employed, either way, if I fuck up someone becomes homeless or has to walk to work. Focus Vlad.

Send that livestock

Spent an hour on the phone with UPS. I filled out 3,000 forms to send servers to UK and Australia. While their computers were down. And when the UPS guy came, he didn’t have International Claim paperwork seethrough evenlope. Fun.

If an RBL dies two years ago, and you still use it, what happens?

Mail stops. ORDB died 2 years ago!!! And people are STILL using it. Phone floods.

It’s about 7PM and I can’t wait to faint.

The best part of my day!

When I get tired, I get inappropriate. Far more so than usual. This guy made my day. Let me explain. Guy calls in (ORDB problem) and starts to introduce himself, where he is calling from, etc. The name sounds familiar.

Vlad: Netsys? Oh, so you work with Raymond?

Guy: Yes, he is right behind me.

Vlad: Wow. I hope you’re getting paid extra for that!!!!

It took the dude about two minutes to compose himself and get back to why he was calling. I also floored my buddy Rich who called in the middle of me trying to hack some IKEA furniture… Long story short: “Hold on Rich, I can’t talk to you with my shirt on.“

Just another day in the office….  How would you like to be me for a day?

Aw damn

The day ends by watching the space shuttle depart ISS with the naked eye. Amazing.

Then, while watching American Idol… and I said it would be vulgar, so I am going to let you bail now:

Vlad: Wow, Michael Jackson would flip over in his grave over this one.

Katie: And right onto the little kid?

Vlad: Whoaaaaa

Who would marry me? Well, there you go. 10:30 PM, bedtime. Life in a day of Vlad.

Check your mail server configuration and make sure you aren’t trying to query the ORDB (Open Relay Database RBL) that went offline two years ago.

I’m sitting here in the OWN Atomic Tangerine room filling out some livestock export forms for Australia and UK and the usually light phone has been lit up with customers complaining about ORDB connections. These disappeared two years ago, if you’re seeing the rejections with that label you need to get back on the ball