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Don’t let others make you feel bad for being remarkable
Posted: 10:57 pm
July 16th, 2010
Post a comment
Work Ethic

Note: This is a bit philosophical with some motivational Vlad sprinkles. Perhaps it’s a collosal waste of your time and bandwidth but I hope it helps some of you find motivation and inspiration that what you’re doing is indeed right and good.

Over the past year there has been a lot of talk about the balance between your personal and professional life. That the two are separate entities to be balanced and measured. The whole work-life balance sounds great on paper but I wonder if I’m the only one that sees the tone a little too dismissive and judgmental.

For the explanation of the life-work balance from a religious standpoint, take a look at this blog post by Arlin Sorensen. My buddy Karl Palachuk wrote a lot on the subject in his book Relax, Focus Succeed and on his blog. But for the lazy ones in the bunch, the concept of life balance has a wiki page.

So.. Dear balancers.. why so judgmental? Literally every piece I’ve read on the subject so far is trying all it can to portray hard working people as irresponsible, anti-family greed work mongers who are doomed to die alone with a cat and a wall full of work achievement awards.

God, I hope not.

Here is how I feel about it:

I write this blog for the entrepreneurs. For the people that break their back to see their vision come to reality. For people that sacrifice personal time, sleep, vacations and savings to turn crazy business concepts and napkin drawings into ways to help people, make money and help further others along what they enjoy – and what they sacrificed to earn through school, college, internships and hard work working from an entry level job on up.

We’re trained from very early on that you can achieve anything you want if you just work hard enough for it. I’m certainly an example of that. I know thousands of people like that as well, not just entrepreneurs either.

We’re taught that there is a progression – that work itself is a part of life, that career development and personal development are not separate entities requiring separate times and infinite segregation.

Your work, and it’s accomplishments are a part of who you are.

You don’t go to work to escape your home life. You don’t count the minutes of work left until you can escape your work jail and go home.

The true American dream is loving what you do, working hard at it and that the process itself yields to happiness and prosperity.

Now, here is how I really feel:

It seems to me like the whole work-life balance is a self-help concept designed to help people cope with the feeling that they’ve wasted their life chasing something that didn’t pan out and they want to warn the workaholics among us that if we do the same thing they do we’ll end up miserable.

Today I even got an email that quoted a finding from a research/study:

“Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.”

I told my wife I’m quitting my CEO role in favor of working for a McDonalds across the street so I could spend an extra hour with her which would make our marriage more successful.

She disagreed.

And I do as well. Would you like toknow why? Because there is no study published by slackers who barely push 40 hours while bitching about how much they hate working. How come? Because that insightful research is published by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics under the title “Unemployment Statistics” and it sounds a little something like this:

“Hard working, passionate people wanted. Half-assers need not apply.”

Slightly paraphrased.

But you can bet your butt that you have a job because someone sacrificed a ton of their time and resources to give you one. If you’re a business owner, remember that everyone has a choice and that they worked very hard for their money to part with it for your service.

So life-balance folks…

Do us all a giant favor and don’t be so dismissive of us insane folks that love what we do and consider it an immovable, undetachable part of who we are.

We’re happy that you find happiness, peace, or even absolution in suggesting that hard work is bad and that everything must be in balance.

The rest of you..

Don’t ever let someone tell you hard work is bad or that you’re a bad person for pursuing your dreams.

Don’t listen to people who are pretentious enough to think they know anything about you, your family or what makes you happy.

Make that decision yourself.

And then earn it. Because you know what – unless you’re going to start spewing semi-criminal garbage and call it a 3 Hour Workweek, your prosperity and happiness are dependant on how bad you want to earn it.

And if I may be so bold to suggest that your family will still love you, still respect you as a provider (be a man or woman), still support you in the personal fulfillment that comes from being a valuable person in our society and your community…

Go out there, give it all you’ve got and kick some ass.

All the awesome things we take for granted have a foundation in hard work and sacrifice.

How amazing is the work you do? How many things do you enable?

Don’t for a moment allow someone to suggest your work is an affront to someone else.

Don’t ever allow anyone to suggest your hard work makes you a bad person or cheats your family.

Think of your life, and everyone in it – what would it look like without you? Does what you do make that life better? Benefit everyone around you? Your goal on this earth is to enrich and benefit whatever you’ve just envisioned – and no, that is not wrong. Or embarasing. Or shameful.

It’s just your life. Live it in guilt and shame over everything you aren’t doing, or be thankful and happy every morning you open your eyes and can work on making it a great one.

Because… you know… there is a reason they say: Have a great day. I hope you do, every single one of them.

9 Comments

Devin L. Ganger |

Most of the time, when I see work-life balance being talked about, it’s in the context of “don’t let your employer dictate the work-life balance that’s right for you”.

Which is, I think, essentially what you’re saying, you’re just coming at it from the other side.

There’s nothing wrong with deciding that’s where your balance point is, as long as you are meeting your obligations. The problem comes from corporate cultures that (more often) *demand* that kind of drivenness from people who *aren’t* empowered to make meaningful decisions about how they work (which can be a key part in making work be something you love rather than something you tolerate), or (more rarely) those that won’t let people work more.



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Kate |

Thanks Vlad.



Jerry Kennedy |

Excellent post, Vlad! I find myself increasingly irritated by the people who ask me “Don’t you do anything beside work?” I always tell them that I love what I do so much that it doesn’t even feel like work, at which point they feel the need to encourage me to slow down and enjoy life. HELLO! I AM enjoying life! If I wasn’t, do you really think I’d be working this hard?

Really great post, and mad props to you for having the guts to say it.

Jerry



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Vince Tinnirello |

Vlad-

This was very thoughtful and well written, and I do agree with your points and the treatment people give. I enjoyed it alot. But….I’d also say it works in opposite too. Working 80 hours a week isn’t a badge of honor, or make someone more successful than one who finds a way to work 40 hours. Sometimes I think workaholics like to rub in the noses of others who don’t do the same, in the exact fashion you describe above. What we’re really saying here is those folks have insecurities that they feel guilty for not working as much or working too much, so they pick on others. Other times, people (including me) say something because we care i.e. if a friend appears to be burning themselves out. Jerry makes a good point-if it doesn’t feel like work then great-have at it. At the same time, I believe you have to have other interests-which will make you BETTER at what you do for work and overall in life. Have you ever met someone who couldn’t hold a conversation about anything other than what they are an expert in? That’s pretty weak. You can talk about 2LiveCrew, Florida football, etc etc. Lots of things outside of IT. But there a ton of folks who can’t. Rather than bag on the folks in our industry who work boatloads of hours, I try to appreciate them for making my life easier,whether its the products they develop and sell or the research they do on tech issues, etc. I also try to spend time away from the office on skis, mountains, golf courses-where I have clarity and can think about my business. It actually makes me better. What’s funny is that some folks perceive I never work, because I don’t post about it. Why? It’s not interesting, but it doesn’t mean I don’t put in 50 hours a week or more (i.e. as in this Sat afternoon!). Great dialogue!



Kerry Brown |

It sounds like you have found the balance that suits you. I am firmly in the balancer camp. This doesn’t mean I’m against hard work or long hours. It’s about finding a balance that works for you. My balancing point is very different from yours. That doesn’t mean mine is better. Someone who is truly interested in life balance understands this. Finding the balance that works for you is the important thing. This will not be static. You have to constantly re-evaluate it and apply the new version to your life. Anything else will likely lead to unhappiness in life and a poor work attitude.



Carlos Cavero |

My Name is Carlos and I am a WORKAHOLIC! and I am proud of it. I have had my own business for over 15 years and I can honestly say I am happier being my own boss than working for someone else. Luckily I married a like minded woman who supports and stands by me. She understands the difficulties, long hours and sacrfice it takes to own your own business. Atleast I wont be alone at the end of this journey.
Great article Vlad!



Jose Antonio Morales |

Vlad, a minority works loving what they do. Many are working to find out what they love doing and some are careless of it.
Being an entrepreneur doesn’t mean that you need to be a workaholic. Being one (workah..) does not warranty success or failure.
I found more chances of success when respecting and valuing my job than when investing lots of time working. I found I’m able to give more to my family when I feel less stressed and accomplished with my work, even though I don’t need to invest so much time. And actually I found there are many things I like to do apart of working in my own business, like working in the garden.
I find that the conflict with the concept of “balance work and family” is because it looks like one is evil and the other not. If you love your work there is no need of making a balance.
And for the ones that feel that their job is harming their life I would suggest to find what they love doing otherwise any work, payment or professional security will make you feel happy in the long term.
I found that customers care a lot on the way of life of entrepreneurs. A way of life that shows that work is not the only thing might communicate success. An always busy entrepreneur looks like can’t take any more job.
For us it’s difficult to define what is not job. Reading articles, social media, writing a blog could be perceived as our work but it may be a set of compatible hobbies. We even work when sleeping.
At the end it is about the joy of creating a legacy and a good sample.








 

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