SBS Show #24 – Managing Process & Communication

SBS Show
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SBS Show #24 features an interesting conversation on communication, design and management of a small business IT provider. Dave Sobel, CEO of Evolve Technologies, based in the metro DC area, joined us to talk about how he has and continues to apply lessons and strategies from the popular book e-myth to his IT practice. Why Dave? First of all because Dave had nothing to sell, he simply was very successful and very passionate about the way his business runs. As far as credentials are concerned, his company is a Microsoft Gold Certified Partner, 2006 Sales & Marketing Partner of the Year in the Small Business Specialist category, blogger, Mac User and one of a dozen or so SBSers that showed up at TechEd. We (myself, Chris Rue, Amy Luby, Dave Sobel) had lunch at WWPC and talked about sales strategies, process management, documentation, documentation, documentation. I felt it was imperative to get Dave on the show as soon as possible and discuss how to do things right. Consider this episode the e-myth for IT business owners. Dave talks about strategy, management, HR, documentation, training, communication, community and the importance of harmony and repeatability in all those areas.

You can see and hear Dave Sobel on Vladfire #14. You can see Dave’s company Evolve Technologies here. You can subscribe to his blog here. But I know what you’re most interested in so here it goes:

Download the SBS Show #24:
http://www.vladville.com/sbsshow/sbsshow-episode24.mp3

Note: I am turning off the comments for the time being for a major announcement about changes and news at the SBS Show. The show is not fully published, ie, it will not show up in iTunes today as I want to give my visitors the advantage on beating the thousands of people that will hit my network almost instantaneously by publishing the feed. Pass it on, if they want the SBS Show fast and hot off the presses today would be a good day to download it

Ernesto Lands, Applies For A Green Card

Vladville
13 Comments

Tropical Storm Ernesto landed on the Key West shores a few hours ago. This is our first large scale storm of the 2006 Hurricane Season so let’s be smart about it.

First of all, you can track the status of the hurricane at weather.com. They have a new trajectory map and tracking that is better than most news reports. As we all know these storms tend to change in power, trajectory, speed and danger so if you have not evacuated please bunker down. Better be prepared than to think back..

Stay tuned to the FloridaDisaster.org, our state division of emergency management. They have full advisories and most up to date information feeding from all other emergency organizations and reporting systems. Look to them as the first source in case of wide-spread damage.

Finally, and most importantly, all IT events this week have been cancelled.

Orlando IT Pro meeting has been cancelled.

Orlando events by Microsoft Corporation have been cancelled. The following email is courtesy of Matt Sharkey, the events cancelled include Microsoft Connections, Microsoft TS2, Microsoft Technet and Microsoft MSDN. Please do not show up at Waterford Lakes location on Thursday:

Subject: Microsoft Event Session Cancellation Notice to Registered Customers 

Thank you for your interest in Microsoft Connections.

Unfortunately, the event that you are registered for has been cancelled.

Event: Microsoft Connections

Event Code: 1032299248

Location: Theater – Regal Waterford Lakes Stadium 20 

We apologize for any inconvenience to you and your schedule. Please visit www.microsoft.com/connections to find the next event in your area, register for a webcast or download an episode of connections:unplugged.

Finally courtesy of Chuck Poole, if you are in South Florida and this turns out much worse than expected, here is a PDF file of Palm Beach Publix and Gas Stations operating on generator power. This is important in case you have not planned or have extenuating circumstances after the disaster as all refrigerators, pumps, payment processing systems, etc require power to run. Power is among the first things to go so thse will be your best bet.

Will keep you updated in case things get worse. Please stay tuned in to your local emergency management organizations. This is a very weak storm but a very good opportunity to practice, evaluate and revise your plans for the real diaster possibility as mentioned yesterday.

Vladfire 14: Dave Sobel Success Profile

Vladfire
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Dave Sobel is the President of Evolve Technologies and one of the more generous newcomers to the SBS community. We first met Dave at TechEd, place where you don’t get many people willing to admit they are SBSers and we talked about a number of advanced topics that will never see the light of day in the SBS world. Sad to say it but its true, most people in SMB just do not focus on these technologies. I taped the following video blog at Microsoft WWPC earlier last month and asked him about what makes his company so special and how they managed to become a finalist for an award as a Microsoft partner.

 Vladfire14

Runtime: 7 Minutes 5 seconds.

Download a WMV (Microsoft Windows Movie) | (37 Mb)

Stream Quicktime (Fast, Streaming, Requires Quicktime) | (12 Mb)

P.S.: “Susanne rules” apply. Dave was actually my guest on the SBS Show yesterday (a link to which I’m going to hide right here to give you folks a head start on the thousands of downloads that usually cripple this box)

Preparing for Business Disasters

IT Business
22 Comments

In the IT field we work tirelessly to prepare our clients for the eventual technological disaster, be it tape failure, disk failure, network device failure or outright infrastructure collapse. Very little time, by comparison, is spent on preparing the business for continuity during and after disaster. Continuity is how your business reacts, responds and communicates during the disaster and the expected level of service you provide immediately after the inevidable interruption to your business occurs. This post gives you a few hints on how to prepare for under $150 in under an hour.

 

Are you Evacuating?

Strm5_strike_720x486I am in the infrastructure business. Ironically, the question I am forced to answer too many times is why we do not have any infrastructure in Florida. Even more ironically, it is the Floridians with the attention span of a fruit fly that ask that question. Let me answer it myself and let me provide you with the answer my coleague just gave me. OWN does not have any infrastructure in Florida because of the image to the right.

My friend Rich gave me this colorful response:

richwalkup says:

son of a damn weather – wouldn’t be so bad if the infrastructure down here wasn’t put together by toothpicks, legos, and dental floss

Let me preface the article by saying that no matter where you live your infrastructure is similar to the above. If you happen to be an optimist let me assure you (having gone through four hurricanes) that no infrastructure is prepared for a massive migration of millions of people.

The $150 business continuity

Regardless of the extent of the disaster, your clients will expect you to be able to serve them. Hungry people will show up in front of a McDonalds that has no power expecting a Big Mac. Manufacturing plant you provide IT services for will expect you to be able to address and assess their situation no matter the circumstances..

The key to business continuity is communication.

People will forgive you for many things. People will not forgive you for ignoring them. So if you only have $150 and an hour make sure you can have a steady communications channel between you and your client base. It is not too late to prepare for this even if you have an hour to go to the impending doom.

The shopping list:

Disaster Cell Phone

Skype Dialin

Analog Phone

Disaster Blog

Here is a quick breakdown of what all of these will help you do and how.

 

Disaster Cell Phone

First of all keep in mind that the disaster cell phone is something you purchase as a failover, not as a primary line of communications with your client base during and after a disaster. You can purchase a prepaid cell phone anywhere and get 1000 minutes (expire every year) for $100. I personally use Tmobile because of the network reliability I have come to enjoy in my travels. Nearly every carrier has a prepaid offering you can take advantage of.

Pro: Cheap, mobile, effective, low footprint (easy to grab and go)

Con: Will likely not do you any good in the area that suffered from disaster because cell towers are the first to go.

 

Skype Dialin

Skype dialin is your mobile voicemail. If you happen to get your telco services from a local CLEC that also happens to be in the same geographical area you are the disaster effect is twofold – they will either be destroyed along with you or will suffer extreme delays and outages due to call volume. Skype Dialin will run you $30 a year for a phone number and voicemail that you can check from anywhere. You will not have to deal with voice messages and SMS being delayed hours or days when you are supposed to be responding in realtime.

Pro: Cheap, effective, virtual.

Con: Requires network connectivity or access to a payphone.

 

Analog Phone

Analog phone is for the ride-it-out-warrior. Many chose to ride out the Wilma hurricane which was only category 1 when it hit South Florida last year. Most were without power for at least four days, some even longer. When all else fails you can always rely on a 100+ year old technology. Remember that phone service is operational even if power goes out. You can buy an analog phone at Walgreens for $5–10.

Pro: Cheap, reliable.

Con: Ugly.

 

Disaster Blog

Even if you are not a blogger, even if you are illiterate, you need to have a place to organize yourself after the disaster. Like it or not you will become a news source for people because the first action everyone takes is to start surveying what is left. If your clients were smart to evacuate they can access your blog (makeshift web site) that can be updated as you find out more and more information and news that may not make headlines. For example, lets say your town in NW Virginia floods. Will CNN cover that in detail if you’re in Ohio? Highly unlikely. So you turn to local sensationalist news channel and newspaper which is more interested in the drama than the reporting. They also are unlikely to report on the technical issues. You should. You can get a blog at blogger.com, wordpress.com, typepad.com or any place you wish.

Pro: Free.

Con: Audience will need a network connection to access it.

 

Execution

The real key to success here is to prepare yourself to communicate with your clients during and after the disaster.

Preparation is what you do BEFORE the disaster.

Your clients need to know your failover phone numbers, they need to know your blog address, they need to have a way to contact you. So start informing them NOW. Putting up a blog as your roof is coming off your house is not a great way to start. Emailing business owners while they are ankles deep in water is not a good way to initiate a conversation. Telling them about these resources after they haven’t been able to reach you for two weeks is not going to build goodwill. If they have a choice between printing out your email or printing out their insurance policy I assure you that you will lose out.

So start today. Send out the blog address today. Fax over the info today. Call the office manager and ask if they are evacuating. Ask them what they have planned. Well prepared and organized business is not afraid of disasters, it is ready for them. It took you 5 minutes to read this post. It will take you another 55 to get it all together. So hold that CTRL button down and click on these links to put it in motion:

Skype DialinTmobile PrepaidBlogger.com

The clock is ticking, hopefully the survival of your business is not. 

Hacking WordPress: Comma Delimited Categories & Other Space Wasters

WordPress
12 Comments

The biggest problem not just with WordPress but any blog is the eternal vertical list. Bloggers use lists of all kinds to fill up their blog and often abuse lists to show connections, interests and affiliations their posts do not. This post is all about taming those vertical lists and making WordPress categories comma delimited (means separated by commas).

Great Ways To Fill Your Blog

First of all, the problem: endless vertical lists. Nothing says “mine is bigger” like a huge vertical list. Here is what these unordered lists actually represent:

Blog Rolls – The list of people I met once that haven’t updated their site in 6 months

Categories – Watch me pretend my rants are actually organized and coherent thoughts

Links – Show people you’re a true intellectual by linking to Club Jenna, The Collected Works of Shakespeare, Vivid Entertainment and Michio Kaku’s String Theory
 
Comment Rolls – Nothing says “I am thought provoking!” like showing recent comments as a list with the top one being “PrinterCartriges4Less on Contemporary Evangelical Literature

Vertical AdWords – All the cash I’d make if people actually found me interesting.

Flare – Nothing screams Blogosphere like a collection of Web 2.0 crap found all over the net. First you link every which way someone can subscribe to you. Start by listing every feed format known to man. Then you help idiots that can’t cut and paste add you to MSN, My Yahoo, Bloglines, Google, Live Links, Kinja. After you have collected every icon on the web put that “Bloging Loser” crown on your head by putting in a ClusterMap. Nothing shows people your irrelevance more than a dead map of hits, most from random search engine spiders. Congratulations, you’re a blogger!

And the best for last Post Calendar – Show people just how dead your blog really is.

So now that we’ve identified all the flaws with standard blogging templates let’s look at the positive side. Let’s assume you actually had something interesting to say but still wanted to put up some flare. The problem you run into with even minimal use of side items is that your main content gets squished down to the point that your main thoughts look more like haiku than an article. Your options are to either stick these items in the header or the footer but if you had a lot of relevant stuff to put in, such as categories, your lists would take up more than half the page. The answer to taming lists is through hacking and css. I’ll let you pick which one is better.

 

Hacking Lists with CSS

The simplest way to comma delimit the category list in WordPress is to simply style the list accordingly. Mark Newhouse has a great article on taming lists in general but here is all you need to know about managing your categories in WordPress.

First, stick the following in your css stylesheet:

#inline-list {
 }

#inline-list p {
 display: inline;
 }

#inline-list ul, #inline-list li {
 display: inline;
 }

#inline-list-gen ul li:after {
 content: “, “;
 }
  
#inline-list-gen ul li.last:after {
 content: “. “;
 }

Now you just have to enclose your category list and apply the above style to it:

<div id=”inline-list”>
<ul>
<?php wp_list_cats(); ?>
</ul>
</div>

By default wp_list_cats generates <li> items (list items) which can be ordered, unordered or sorted any way you wish. The simplest way to consolidate these lists is by coma separating them so they take up as little room as possible.

Hacking WordPress code to Comma-delimit

Unless you’re a web monkey hacking the code directly is a lot more fun. Not only is it dirty but it also brings you closer to the code by making you maintain a list of changes every time WordPress is upgraded.

First, disable <li> formatting by passing ‘list=0’ parameter to wp_list_cats:

<?php wp_list_cats(‘list=0’); ?>

Second, hack the code. When you pass list=0 parameter WordPress appends <br /> after each category. Sticking a comma instead of a line break can save a ton of space. Using other separators (% | o x) can be even more stylish. So how do you make WordPress do this? Edit wp-includes/template-functions-category.php and replace <br /> with , on line 375 (in WordPress 2.0.4)

if ( $list ) {
 $thelist .= “\t<li”;
 if (($category->cat_ID == $wp_query->get_queried_object_id()) && is_category()) {
 $thelist .=  ‘ class=”current-cat”‘;
  }     
  $thelist .= “>$link\n”;
} else {
 $thelist .= “\t$link <br />\n”;
}

BEFORE:
$thelist .= “\t$link <br />\n”;
AFTER:
$thelist .= “\t$link, \n”;

Simple as that. In the PHP code sample above an IF construct is used to evaluate the $list parameter you passed through wp_list_cats(‘list=0’); It’s a simple boolean (0,1 – false, true) comparison. Top part of the code is executed if the $list value is true (‘list=1’) and else is executed if it’s.. well, guess 🙂

So there you go, from a 6 foot vertical list to a pretty block like this one:

Categories

How tall IS this ladder?

Some template functions implement before and after arguments to allow you to pass values before and after inputs and outputs. Unfortunately, wp_list_cats() does not support that so your only option is to write a filter. That however is a discussion to have much later.

Please keep in mind that I’m just showing you how to get your feet wet and how to edit and tweak the simplest of things in WordPress code. Hopefully this gets rid of your fears of things exploding and buildings coming down if you make slight changes. Hopefully it also makes you think about code, the simplicity and ease of transforming it to do what you want. You’ve got to start somewhere and this is just the least painful way.

WordPress Hack: Rotating Banners

WordPress
10 Comments

As you know I use WordPress as my blogging platform simply because I love PHP and the simplicity that comes with a beautiful syntax. This post shows you how to create a rotating banner for your WordPress blog.

Getting Your Banners Together

First of all this is just a dirty template hack that will not go away as you upgrade your WordPress distribution. The first step is to create a set of banners you want to rotate and name them sequentially. For example, mine are named vladville-bar1.jpg, vladville-bar2.jpg, vladville-bar3.jpg and so on. Here they are:

Vladville-bar1

Vladville-bar2

Vladville-bar3

Vladville-bar4

Look familiar? Great. Notice how only one number in the filename changes? Now upload all of these banners to the same directory, mine are in /images.

Hack The Template

The second step is to actually hack the template file. Because WordPress is PHP based you can embed PHP code anywhere in your template. Mine is in the header.php but you can use this trick anywhere you want to.

Remember how only the number was different? The only thing I did was instruct PHP to select a random number from a range and insert that number in HTML code. So here is the entire mastery:

<table background=”/images/vladville-bar<?php echo rand(1,23); ?>.jpg” width=”800″ height=”155″ border=”0″>

Thats the entire mastery right there. When the template is parsed by WordPress and PHP it will call a rand function which returns a random integer in the range between 1 and 23. I happen to have 23 images on the server so returning a random number between 1–23 will return a number of one of the images in that range. The <?php part tells the server to start interpreting the next block of text as code instead of just plain filler. The ?> stops it. The echo sends stuff back to be printed and 1,23 are parameters sent to the rand function. Every time the page is reloaded the rand() function should return a different random number between 1–23 giving my visitors a different random banner from my pool of 23. For example:

First time rand(1,23) executes it returns 5. As a result, you will see vladville-bar5.jpg

<table background=”/images/vladville-bar5.jpg” width=”800″ height=”155″ border=”0″>

Second time rand(1,23) executes it returns 17. As a result, you will see vladville-bar17.jpg

<table background=”/images/vladville-bar17.jpg” width=”800″ height=”155″ border=”0″>

Thats all there is to it but I figured I’d start slow and build up. Imagine the possibilities here, you can insert greetings based on the time of day, display random quotes, insult visitors by guessing their IQ with rand(5,30) and so on.

So get creative. Your blog does not have to be borg it should reflect your individuality. After all, its all yours.

New Vladville

Vladville
16 Comments

Untitled document

Welcome to the fully redesigned Vladville. As you can tell all the pieces that I’ve been integrating into this site have slowly come together. This post is to announce what I’ve done and to explain some of the ambiguous posts over the past month or so.

 

Hey, check this out…

 

I originally started Vladville because I could not handle the volume of mail our partner mailing list generated. I had roughly 4,000 businesses on a distribution list where I’d post daily tips about deals, security, opportunities, etc. This is where the law of large numbers kicks in: no matter how irrelevant of a tip you give there are usually enough bored people that will find it useful and try to research it through you. So yes, a $850 Dell 1800 deal might strike an eye but because we know each other and it’s email let’s start a chat – “Thanks for the link Vlad, by the way, does this come with rack rails”

 

I looked at other blogs and saw them as a great solution to make it inconvenient for people to waste my time. It worked! Even better, it drew even more people into the business and gave me a creative outlet that I did not have before. It’s easy to create a braindump online or throw advice at unsuspecting strangers like a monkey at a zoo when you know you will not become the support staff behind that post for all eternity. Try that with a channel partner and you’ve not only created a dependant addict but also a lawsuit when you tell them to figure it out on their own.

 

Then something interesting happened. When you have a large enough audience that is not in a particular pigeon hole you start to hear things that you may not hear on the street or a phone call. People blow up their servers. People blow up their workstations. Why? Because they didn’t follow the documentation. So as a joke I figured that if people were illiterate I can perhaps serve it to them over radio. That’s where SBS Show came from.

 

So you read the documentation, you follow community sites, you listen to the SBS Show and you learn more and more about these people. They become your friends. Naturally, you want to see who you are dealing with. Sometimes that image is pleasant and causes people to call you and ask for the girls cell phone number. Sometimes the image is of Die Fuhrer and people wonder where she hides the pitchfork and horns. But by providing the audio and video to complete the picture you realize that we’re all people, all interested in pretty much the same thing and that inspires communication, drops reservations and preconceived notions we have on one another. Email is the worst way to convey a message, not to mention mood, attitude or character.

 

Selling out..

 

So about eight months ago or so I officially sold out to Google and put up Adwords on Vladville. I figured with all the traffic I could at least break even on the SBS Show traffic. I did. More than broke even. I believe I even bragged about making more money off the blog than the Jr. Crackwhore working at McDonalds.

 

Unfortunately, McDonalds was exactly the place I would end up at if I allowed Adwords to stay. You see, every time I posted about Exchange all the ads would target my competitors. I was literally sending people out of my wallet every time I said something useful. When I didn’t I would get all sorts of things that I either did not believe in or I found outright offensive.

 

That’s the problem with selling out you see. When you sell out you no longer control the message, you are forced into a spot where you might have to promote things you do not believe in. No thanks, I like to sleep at night.

 

Back to Basics..

 

So everything went really well on this blog until TechEd wrapped up. Someone left a relatively innocent comment that really rubbed me the wrong way. In short, they likened me to Paris Hilton of the IT scene because I seemed to be everywhere, know everyone and have pics, video, sound and everything short of the smell of the place.

 

Now I didn’t fail at an extended list of careers to end up in IT. This seems to make me more of an exception in this business these days. I’ve actually done this since about age 7. I went to school for this, went to college, worked and started a company based on IT services. As bad as it sounds, that’s really all there is to me when it comes to a profession. To be compared to some brain dead monkey that knew nothing about infrastructure or development that just hopped around conferences collecting business cards really hit close to home. Many (many, many, many) fights with Susan Bradley over just what we were doing and what we were encouraging or reinforcing by catering to the lowest common denominator brought up this post and I don’t think I’ve ever, prior to that moment, felt worse about what I had allowed myself to do.

 

So I changed my mind. I decided to look at all the positive things Vladville does and eliminate all the negatives. I pushed forward to open up Shockey Monkey to external parties for development input. I decided, against lawyers advice, to put the name of our business in the SBS Show. I decided to step in front of a camera and say who I am, what I do and then show people I respect in their own element. I firmly believe you can learn something from everyone you meet. I don’t mean that in a tree-hugging way because some people are complete fucking morons so from those you can learn what not to say and what not to do. You can follow the advice and suggestions from people that are at the top of their game.

 

Chris and Susanne really encouraged me in all the stuff I was working on while at Boston. I think I slept maybe 6 hours total in the span of a week but I came back with a lot of approval and encouragement that has allowed me to really crunch through a lot of stuff internally and externally. As Eric Ligman told me, sleep is overrated. I took that to heart. I don’t have to tell you what my sleep pattern has been lately but you can see by the times my posts appear on the blog.

 

So what was the deal with the suicide note? Well, the epiphany that I got from Susanne specifically is that whatever we do, we have a choice. If things don’t work you change them, if things are working you work harder at them. I really do not want to be Paris Hilton. Last years SBS conference in Redmond gave me pages and pages and pages of insight into what makes a successful IT practice and we’ve been implementing it ever since. I firmly believe you lead by example so I’ve put in some long days and months since last September. I am happy to say we’re almost there. How much effort you put into something usually directly dictates how much you are going to get out of things. I did not want to be the Jack of many trades, master of none. I did not want to be a billboard for half-assing things by letting projects I was temporarily not interested in fall by the wayside. After all, if it was so important to start them and get most the leg work done, what kind of a moron would drop them when they were finally showing some promise?

 

So?

 

So this blog is about me. It is about what I do. It is about people I look up to and who encourage me to be better at what I do. Most of all, it is an encouragement to get you to think for yourself instead of blindly following what others tell you. I’ve done that fairly well over the last year as I’ve posted 549 messages (this is 550) but 2,418 people chose to talk back. Over 48,000 people choose to come back to Vladville every day to see what I’m up to. Thousands of people have tuned into Vladfire to see what SMB IT is all about. Millions of people have listened to the SBS Show. All the work I put in at Own Web Now and all the stuff I pour into Vladville is making a difference, is starting conversations, raising profiles of people in the community and it’s making people think.

 

Now that I’ve got your attention I hope to do something with it. Over the next year there will be more media here. I’ll open up a few more doors into my business and into the SMB IT community. I’ll give you something more to think about here in terms of both technology and business. Over the last year we’ve done a lot of hard work to make OWN capable of doing more and make it a lot more fun. I hope that shows in the posts and I hope what I want to talk about in the future inspires you (or upsets you) enough to look at things in a different way.

Vladfire 13: Andy Goodman Success Profile

Vladfire
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Untitled document

Andy Goodman is one of the nicest people in the SBS community. Very down to earth, very knowledgeable and very honest. I think the video speaks for itself, unfortunately, we had Mark Stanfill fill in the role of the audio engineer so what you will hear instead is 5 minutes of Andy impersonating Mr. Roboto.

Andy talks about his business, his web site, his SBS user group, his chat and a lot more. Enjoy.

Vladfire13

Runtime: 5 minutes 51 seconds.

Download a WMV (Microsoft Windows Movie) | (30 Mb)

Stream Quicktime (Fast, Streaming, Requires Quicktime) | (10 Mb)

P.S. Susanne rules apply.

SBS Show #23 – SLA’s and Business Management

SBS Show
47 Comments

SBS Show #23 with Karl Palachuk covers the world of Service Level Agreements and a whole lot more. We talk to Karl about the importance of documentation, ways to build and manage a business, community involvement as well as many tips, tricks and ways to do it all. We talk at great length about Karl’s new book “Service Agreements for SMB Consultants – A Quick-Start Guide To Managed Services” and whats actually in it. We try to dispell some myths in the SMB IT, ask Karl about the community and the concept of paying it forward but most of all we just rave about his book and discuss what value an SMB owner can realize from a properly documented business.

Additional Resources: Karl’s Book Karl’s Blog

Download the SBS Show #23:
http://www.vladville.com/sbsshow/sbsshow-episode23.mp3

The last inappropriate thing I post here

Vladville
17 Comments

I’m having an awesome birthday weekend and am in a surprisingly good mood. Later this week I will be unveiling the new Vladville with the additions and changes I’ve been hinting at since WWPC. The new site will leave little room for the kind of myspace content you’ve been accustomed to so I figured I’d get all the inappropriate content out of the way before then. Grab a drink, sit down, this is going to be rude and lewd.

Is that your fiance, SUSANNE?

Ashlee_simpsonFirst of all, thank you all so much for sending in the e-greeting cards and well wishes. I truely appreciate them and am glad to know how many friends this blog has brought to my life. I know I sometimes do not explain every single detail of my life and the last post brought a lot of interesting questions.

Every year my (now) fiance Katie, who refuses to be pictured on this blog for some reason, takes me to the mall to show her what I want for my birthday. Despite knowing me for over 14 years she still doesn’t know that all my gifts come from newegg.com. Malls, in case you have not noticed, are packed with teenagers that dress like what I imagine discount hookers would look like. So I make the best out of it.

Katie: “Honey, what do you want?”

Vlad: Her. And Her. And Her.

Katie: “Be serious.”

Vlad: Ok, all three. At the same time.

And that explains the picture of Ashlee Simpson (thanks for the spelling Chris) on the previous post. But thats not really the funny part. That picture brought in a lot of email and questions. However, the funniest comment came from my buddy Chris who tried to guess the the angle under which Katie’s foot would be approaching my crotch.

Chris: Is that your fiance, SUSANNE?

Vlad: Yes, oh GOD YES!

So far neither Katie nor Susanne have killed me which probably means they are cooking something up together. 

Honey, can I put your picture on my blog?

MelontimeThe rotating backgrounds at the top of my blog are pretty interesting. My best pictures have Katie in them but she does not want to be on my blog. She does not even want to comment on the blog posts. “I don’t want to interfere with your fans.” So as any wonderful boyfriend would do, I cut the pictures and I posted them without her permission. I then proceeded to wake her up at 3AM and ask her for a model signoff. She took out four or five pictures from the set and gave me her blessing.

I will have you know that she just attempted to wrestle with me to get to the keyboard and find my BlogJet screen. Nice try, rookie. I have 28 years of hiding porn with ALT+Tab.

Fine, you can put a picture of me on your blog!

No not that one, its overexposed. Not that one, I look too pouty. Not that one, I look old. Ok, that one looks better.

Nobody-cares-about-your-blog

Oh that one is going on myspace

I’d like to to kiss all the boys…

Rue-ass

So Chris is an asshole. But this was the first birthday present I got this year and it really made the day for some UPS guys. This got delivered and as they were typing in the recipient into the system they really enjoyed my nickname. As a matter of fact, our mail folks were quite excited to give me the evenlope.

You’ll never see the present but you can at least admire the effort that went into the evenlope. Gotta love automation!