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Will someone PLEASE cut their crack supply?
Posted: 9:21 am
January 5th, 2007
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Microsoft

P.S. You may be offended by this post and by its contents. If you are easily offended I suggest you close this window now. The blog post depicts and criticizes new Microsoft advertising which you are also likely to find very offensive. I have thought twice about the strong language used in this post, I feel it is justified and necessary. Either way, you’ve been warned.

Microsoft marketing has not been the same since they poked fun at themselves with the Microsoft iPod Parody.

What’s worse is that as cluttered as Microsoft marketing was before, it was still very business appropriate and useful in approaching serious business customers. While as the author of this blog I am perhaps the last person that should criticize Microsoft advertising gimics – as the partner that sells a ton of their software I must. Microsoft, it’s time to cut off the crack supply. Immediately.

First, but less concerning, are the supposed Microsoft ads for Zune. Straight out of an acid trip of a confused art school student, these short videos for Zune…. You just have to look at them. Let me use my business and engineering degree combined powers to interpret this one for you:

A walking, sniffing penis stumbles around the screen. It bumps into a far larger, thicker yet severely infected penis with many eyes. The bigger penis picks up the little penis, and with a squeeze of its ass cheeks shoots an eye into the smaller penis. The smaller penis then blinks back.

Microsoft Zune.

I am NOT kidding here. I dare you to watch the video. Then watch other videos.

What I am concerned about is the advertising for Office 2007. Titled “The Enchanted Office”, this cute cartoon uses a fantasy fable to ridicule away the business owners concerns, IT managers and virtually all IT support workers and staff. “Can’t find things – why don’t you hold on to this map.”

It is not that we’re dealing with customers that have no sense of humor. Not at all. However, these are serious topics concerning company’s productivity, budgets and IT staff retraining. If I approached them about a new product, proposed an upgrade and then proceeded to collectively ridicule every single one of the IT decision makers I would sincerely hope they would just throw me out. Having seen this cartoon the likely alternative would be a beating behind the company dumpster along with telling every one of their colleagues about a jackass that came in and tried to sell them software using insults and cartoons.

8 Comments

UK SMB Girl » Don’t make it selling too cutesy… |

[...] Darren Strange posted about The Enchanted Office cartoon strip which I then showed to Vlad. Vlad decided to post in his usual way on this and on some similar MotherShip advertising campaigns. I wouldn’t use the words he did, but I think he has a point. [...]



jjt |

You make a good point, Vlad, but I would make the argument that the current trend in ads that insult the intended market was started with Apple’s “Mac and PC” ads. Apparently, the new trend in advertising is to insult the customer, then have them buy your product.

It apparently has been working for Apple, so I guess Microsoft had to give it a whirl.



richwalkup |

I actually think it’s one of the best marketing items I have seen from MS in a long time. After using office 2007 for about 30 minutes, you’re a freakin moron and shouldn’t be using computers if you don’t find it easier to accomplish every task. It may take one more click for some common items if you’re a point and click person, but finding those “hidden features” is is now trivial. I think they addressed the concerns of business owners in a humorous way. I seriously doubt that end users really need training on this new interface if they’re willing to give it a whirl.



mavmesa |

I will reserve comments on Office 2007 Ads as I have not used it enough to make a valid judgement.

However, the Zune commercials are wacked out. This idea from New York advertising firms to spend massive amount of dough on “concept advertising” is a breeding ground for “throw something at the prospects and see if it will stick” thinking. I can see the concept they are using. Its “Be unconventional and buy us”. Who ever thought that Microsoft would be marketing the concept of “Rebel against the establishment (IPOD) and common decency at the same time! Obviously friends will applaude you for your society shoving ways and buying our so-so product.”?



Nick Whittome - "The Naked MVP" : Someone at Microsoft is smoking too much dope. |

[...] suck and do nothing to make me want one. Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | live it! Published Sunday, January 07, 2007 8:13 PM by NickWhittome Filed underGeneral [...]



mikeshep |

OMG, I didn’t think it could be anywhere near as bad as the “one penis walks into a bar…” concept. It was even worse, the penises were confused and I think the confusion is spreading…



TimBarrett |

Let’s just hope that Ad agency doesn’t get the contract for WHS. “Hairless dog farts an extra tail onto a hairless hamster… Windows Home Server.”



E-Bitz - SBS MVP the Official Blog of the SBS "Diva" : The Zune report |

[...] The Zune report Indulge me in a little off topic post tonight regarding various music devices…that may or may not end up in your network  So the other day I wanted to see what all the religious wars over Zune versus IPod was all about and I wanted to see both for myself.  My sister has a 60 gig iPod as well as several partners in the office.  And regardless of the fact that it’s not a business tool, I still have to support them since I support the home devices that attach to my network.  And one of the annoyances I’ve yet to figure out how to work on iTunes is syncing one device to two machines. And I wanted to see for myself, in person, how Zune compared to iPod.  Besides my mp3 player broke anyway and I liked the images of the bigger screen ..Sister’s ipod is hard to view stuff on … so off I went to Amazon.com to buy a Zune.  The first thing of difference is that you can buy an iPod from the Apple store and get it custom engraved.  Vanity, yes, I know.  When I bought the Zune from icon, it bundled it with a travel kit, unlike Apple that didn’t warn me I’d be back in a week looking for a power cord. Score +1 to the apple store for the engravingScore +1 to Amazon for the bundling offer Box and Presentation once the unit has arrived is a near knock off of each other.  While I purchased a white Zune, the earphones are in black..there’s a “Hey I’m really cool” image you get with the white earphones of iPod as it showcases to all other iPod users that you are one of “them” Score +1 to Apple for the Group Bonding in the color of the earphonesVlad warned me that the Zune device would give me biceps.  That it was a heavy unit. The unit is slightly larger than Sister’s 60 gig iPod but not much heavier.  As someone in an article said… Apple wins on industrial design.. while the metal back does get fingerprints, the engravablility and smoothness of the case makes it more pleasing to the touch.  The slight roughness of the Zune’s plastic case isn’t as pleasing to the touch senses. Score +1 to Apple for industrial designThe Store/Sync Software:Load up cdrom in both.. both need immediate upgrades to both the ipod/zune units (firmware) and the software.  That always kills me.. I JUST bought the thing and the cdroms for both are out of date and both need firmware updates.Zune is a lot more “teenager” focused on the images that it showcases.  I didn’t quite notice when I was loading up the iTunes software quite so many images of the “Next” generation.Zune ..while like IPod where it will only allow you to have one partnership to one computer.. it is more like Windows Mobile in that on computer number two I can set up a Guest partnership and sync stuff that I buy on computer number 2 onto device.  If Itunes can do this.. I haven’t found how to do this yet.  Score one for  the more “normal” Windows Mobile sync association.Score +1 to Zune for the more obvious ”guest partnership” It’s a lot easier as I’ve yet to see a similar thing in iTunes.. if it’s there.. it’s not obviousl.The zune asks in the wizard about Xboxes and Media extenders and you can see how if you had a Zune on a home network, you’d could use the device as a media unit.  You can see the potential for the new Home Server and all the similar type of devices.The Store:  Zune marketplace versus Itunes.Content is king here and Itunes is the clear and ultimate winner.Go into Zune markeplace and I can’t buy Pirates of the Caribbean with Johnny Depp. While the Zune is the clear winner on the screen (the bigger screen is the clear advantage here, the buttons (to me anyway) are more physically responsive than the iPod (rather than that rolly circle thing, its’ more rocker bar up down.. again more like phones I’m used to) The reality is that at the present time, Zune is a rip your own library and sync to it device as the Itunes media content catelog leaves Zune’s marketplace in the dust.  The Ipod’s smaller screen doesn’t make for easy viewing of some of the movies we’ve downloaded… and impossible to share the view on a train traveling to Los Angeles (which is why I take the tablet and email the whole way down and Sister watches her ipod.  Screen size is very very nice and the clear winner here….but.. if they don’t sell videos on the Zune marketplace… and it’s near impossible to rip DVDs in an illegal manner…. the screen size argument may be moot if you can’t get legal content on the device.Add to that the bother/and or illegal-ness of being able to get stuff you bought in itunes over to the Zune… MS needs to buy/signup/get contracts with content makers.  You can have a decent hardware but if the content isn’t there… all it is is a MP3 player (or in my case a great SBSpodcast device ;-) Software.  Zune loses here…. not because of the content issue listed above..but because of this:http://www.zunecorps.com/forum/comments.php?DiscussionID=106&page=1 I now here a little (zzznnn  zzznnnn   zznnnnn sound from the disks on my harddrive as that service does this “pulse” like activity on the drives.  We’re going to nuke that service, thank you very much.  And a heads up to any network admins who’s users brought a Zune into your office.. that application is very “piggy” and needs to be configured to not run.  You’ll see that hogging up a bit of your computer systems CPU time and that’s too high of a % of CPU power for a service like that.  I’m running the latest software so they’ll need to work on that.Bottom line Winner?iPod ….not so much for the device itself as the Zune is nicer from a screen standpoint but because content and software is king.  David Shackelford did note that the other content difference is the “rent” factor of content that iTunes doesn’t have.But the Zune size wise isn’t the exercise device that Vlad said it would be… I think I’ll still need free weights to bulk up in the biceps. P.S. to Vlad.. that’s not an Ad.. it’s art silly… and you know what they say about Art is in the eye of the beholder you know… Do watch your “my music” folder as both iPod and Zune stick the purchased music there and if you have redirected My Docs to the server, you’re now sticking that “stuff” on your server. Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | live it! [...]



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