Good Morning Amerca, it’s Cyber Monday

Today is Cyber Monday, not the biggest online sales day of the year.

It’s not? Um.. Then why is it important?

Cyber Monday is the opportunity for retailers to screw Americans that were too lazy to wake up at 1AM last Friday.

That’s all there is to it. Simple as that.

Millions of people will go back to work today filled with guilt and emptiness put in them by the media blitz coverage of people standing out in the freezing cold to buy that bottom-of-the-line $20 DVD player, $200 computer. They will use their work computers, between ragging on their family and lying about how much time they won’t be spending in the gym to shake off the Turkey weight, to buy items retailers could not move off their shelves throughout the year. Everyone needs a gift after all. Who wouldn’t appreciate a Celeron laptop. Or a big HDTV made by respected electronics manufacturers like Westinghouse or Syntax. Or that brilliant Aiptek camera, winner of the prestigious “Most Returned Item of 2005” award?

I’ve spent the entire weekend on Dealnews and Slickdeals, looking for something that I would be compelled to buy. The only half appealing item I found was a trailer-park edition of Xbox, of which only 1000 were offered as a test of what would trash amazon.com. Has your experience been significantly different? Have you found a killer deal that you could not negotiate in a store or see at virtually every other fake American holiday?

I watched the local news last night and just laughed at the way they try to dramatize everything. It’s funny how my video blogging has brought me closer to the story development process. Here is how you make a big deal out of anything:

• Begin by stating the obvious or generally accepted myth: “Thanksgiving sales were packed with great deals…”
• Large numbers justify your points: “Here is the picture of what this place looked like at 6am on Friday morning…”
• Get an independant opinion: “Oh, I saved so much. At least 20–50%, at least according to the window marketing which never lies…”
• Appear to provide relevant content: “Here are 5 tips to follow tomorrow… Pay with a credit card, check out the merchant…”
• Close with meaningless banter: “People really saved a ton…”

I am never amazed with just how stupid people are. However, I am impressed with how stupid I am — with all of the above, how come Own Web Now doesn’t have a Thanksgiving sale?