Vlad’s Grading Scale

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Due to the popularity of Vlad’s Lexicon and the internal grumbling over it, I proudly present Vlad’s Grading Scale:

Best thing ever. (also known as “you rock”) Used when something goes way beyond my expectations.

Complete waste. (also known as “you suck”) Used when something goes below my expectations.

And to be fair, the pendulum between the two ought to swing, constantly. Yes, in perfect scenario everyone would be consistent, there would be 0 change and we’d all move along like happy automatons, but thats just not the way things go. Things change, circumstances change and what rocks today is going to suck tomorrow and vice versa. When things rock, it takes very little for them to fall apart, when things suck it takes even more to make them spectacular again. The same thing can rock and suck at the same time (read: Microsoft) and organizational consistency is harder to accomplish the larger the set of management points becomes.

I hope you noticed that Vlad’s grading scale does not include normal / ok / status quo / as it should be, etc. Why? Well, in life you get rewarded for beating expectations and beaten down when you don’t meet them. You don’t get an applause for doing your job, thats why you see a paycheck every two weeks.

“Customers are bitching that there is too much SPAM” – right, its our job to kill it.

“Customers are bitching that there are too many false positives” – right, it’s our job to let ham through.

“Customers never say thank you when everything works perfectly” – wrong, every 1st of the month they bow down with their AMEX and sacrifice many presidents for the glory that is this company.

This goes back to the conversation that Dave Sobel and I often have about why most people are not cut out to be entrepreneurs, they need constant reassurance and praise for what they are supposed to do in the first place and fall apart at the first sign of criticism. In words of Chris Rock: Whatcha want, a cookie? You lowexpectationmo@%#@%!

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