Rhesus Insurgency – Return Of The Monkey


Wild monkey, apparently with an iPod loaded with LL Cool J’s “don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years”, went on a rampage in a low-income neighborhood in India. Does that make it the fourth-world? I digress:

“Police sub-inspector Gaje Singh told The Associated Press that the attacks started late Saturday in the Shastri Park area of New Delhi, adding that it was not immediately possible to give an exact tally of the injured. Local news reports said as many as 25 people were injured.”

The genius added: “But the monkey hasn’t been spotted yet”, adding to the already endless fountain of brilliance in “Part of the problem is that devout Hindus believe monkeys are manifestations of the god Hanuman and feed them bananas and peanuts, encouraging them to frequent public places” as well as “City authorities have experimented with using langurs — a larger and fiercer kind of monkey — to scare or catch the macaques, but the problem persists.”

I am not joking folks, those are the direct quotes from the article. We live on the same planet as these people? This, moreso than the ending of the Mayan calendar on 2012, might signify the end of times (which every generation/civilization has believed since the beginning of time) with the largest Darwin Award given out to the entire subcontinent.

Wow. Holy indianinabucket.com. Surely if these people can be taught how to read Microsoft KB articles out loud and fix event log issues someone might give them a better plan than “Go after the little monkey by unleashing the bigger, angrier monkey on them” or “Have you seen this monkey – wanted, dead or alive. Toothy and dangerous. Steak dinner reward.”

I know most of America is starting to reject the theory of evolution for the fact of “God did it, y’all” but even the most inbred hicks must be sitting next to their sisters-to-be-wifes thinking: “Darwin may be on to something.”

Survival of the fittest in action, bow down to the power of monkey.

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